
NVC Resources on Conflict
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Observation is the awareness of our sensory perceptions and thoughts, separate from evaluations and judgments. Feeling involves bodily sensations and emotions, distinct from "faux feelings" that mix thought and emotion. Needs encompass universal human requirements for survival and wellness, while thoughts and evaluations express needs. Requests are rooted in connection and invite true willingness, rather than demanding compliance.
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Using real-life examples from class participants, Sylvia Haskvitz demonstrates the life-changing results of clarifying the needs underlying "shoulds." Some of the situations covered in this audio are:
- A grandmother shares how she was able to spend time with her grandchildren even when experiencing estrangement from her daughter
- A father examines how to repair a conversation with his daughter
- A woman explores her "should" thinking about her financial stability, her job and grief regarding her husband's death
- A woman connects to her deeper needs that arise with the statement "I should do my taxes"
- A woman perceives that she has conflicting needs for family harmony, relaxation and comfort when deciding whether to spend holiday time with stepchildren
If your life is fraught with "shoulds," this resource will support you in translating them into needs and, in some cases, to let them go entirely.
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Shared story has been a way for groups to unite in opposition to a common enemy. But more divergent and virulent beliefs/stories swirl through the internet and social media, facilitating people to polarize against one another. So notice when you're caught in a polarizing story; try shifting focus to observing your mind; somatic presence; underlying commonality; consciousness as universal need, energy, and spaciousness; and the natural compassion and generosity that flow from this.
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Ask the Trainer: "I just started teaching in a public school and I'm not enjoying the violence that teachers express towards children and their colleagues. However, when I talk about NVC, most people listen but I feel they're either not understanding it or ..."
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Why is it so difficult to change our patterns even when we want to, even when we experience shame or despair about them? Arnina Kashtan offers some of the common pitfalls and concrete steps to overcome them in the future.
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Trainer Tip: Without knowing our feelings, its harder to live fully present, take care of ourselves, and make sound decisions. If its difficult for you to know what you feel and to express your feelings, consider reviewing a list of feelings, practice expanding your feelings vocabulary, and naming your feelings.
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Feelings and Needs form the cornerstone of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), offering a profound framework for cultivating empathy, compassion, and authenticity in our interactions. This comprehensive 9-page Feelings and Needs Reference Guide is designed to support you in integrating these vital concepts into your daily life.
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Gregg Kendrick and Marie Miyashiro share the importance of nonviolent communication and needs awareness at multiple levels of organizational structure —individual, interpersonal, and organizational.
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Trainer Tip: We can improve our relationships by focusing our attention first on connection instead of other stragegies.
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Trainer Tip: When we create situations that value one person’s needs at the expense of another, we open the door for someone to lose. Instead, look to see if you can speak openly and honestly, value the other person’s needs, and create solutions that value all stakeholder needs.