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Peaceful Living Blog
with Mary Mackenzie
"Focus on bringing peace into your own life, and your shift in consciousness will reverberate throught the world."
— Mary Mackenzie
NVC Academy Co-Founder and CEO Mary Mackenzie shares her thoughts monthly in our Growing Roots newsletter. Read and enjoy Mary's current and past blog posts from her deep experience as a CNVC Certified Trainer for more than 20 years.
Embracing Humility, Finding Freedom
Dear Friends,
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you could not see a good option, no matter how hard you looked? Or have you ever done something you felt ashamed or embarrassed about and struggled to release the shame?
Recently, I was telling a childhood story to some friends. It had us all laughing (a very welcome moment!), and it also got me reflecting about honesty and authenticity.
Here’s the story:
I was confirmed in the Catholic Church when I was 8 years old. Confirmation is one of the Sacraments of Initiation in the Catholic Church. It was meant to be a spiritual cleansing, a concept that was especially hard for my 8-year-old brain to grasp. In one of my first confession experiences, as both of us were in that small closet-like space that hides our identities (a little unnerving to me then), I said to the priest, “Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been a week since my last confession. In this past week, I lied to my mother 100 times (I remember saying this number specifically!) and thought badly about my siblings X number of times.” In truth, this was all a fabrication but remember, I am 8 years old, I was told to be specific with the number of times I had sinned, and I did not fully understand numbers yet!
Well, the priest was appalled that I lied so many times in a week and proceeded to discuss it with me. Each question he asked, such as “Why are you lying so much?” and “Are you afraid to tell the truth?” caused me to go deeper and deeper into shame and confusion. Every response I offered was another lie, which further compounded my angst. I could not imagine how to wiggle out of the situation I was in. I could not even fathom the possibility of simply saying I was trying to be a good confession rule-follower, that I did not understand that 100 was a lot, and that, in truth, I had made the entire thing up. I thought saying I lied was a “good sin” – much better than yelling at someone or stealing. I could not even fathom what my actual sins were, let alone have the maturity to express them to someone else, especially to a stranger behind a screen!
It was excruciating back then.
Today, it makes me laugh because I have so much empathy for my little girl self who did not know how to navigate the complexities that inevitably occur in relationship with others. And the more I tried to pretend, the deeper I dove into shame and hopelessness.
Much of my earlier adult life was spent living in this state, walking through it all in shame. Sometimes I felt guilty about things I did not even do because I was part of a group that was being confronted about something. Some years ago, I learned a faithful antidote to this: straightforward honesty and authenticity.
When I am honest and forthright, I am not worried that someone will discover the truth because I have already told them. I do not try to remember what I said to person A or person B because the answer is the same. If I make a mistake, I own up to it immediately because waiting only brings more angst. I do not pretend that I know something I do not know, or pretend to be someone I am not. If I don’t see any options that feel good, I say that. And, if I cannot figure out how to navigate a situation, I ask for help from someone I trust.
This way of life can certainly be embarrassing sometimes, yet I spend way less time in shame. Way less time worried that I will be found out. And, way more time in a kind of humble and flawed freedom.
Please join me this month in embracing humility and, where appropriate, in finding freedom by releasing our tendency to evade the truth… cover up our actions… pretend we know more than we do… or in trying to be anyone but the truly beautiful, worthy, and Divine beings we are.
Blessings to you…
Mary
CNVC Certified Trainer and Co-Founder, NVC Academy
p.s. You may also now read these monthly letters on my blog!
